“I dream of painting and then I paint my dream.” ~ Vincent van Gogh

I Dream my life and then live my dream ~ stephey

 

ou can call me Stephey. I am an Artist, optimist and lover of bubbles, have been my whole life. Though I was born an Artist, it took me over twenty-eight years to fully accept that about myself. Yep. It took me that long to move from the shadow side of the starving artist, into the illuminated light of the THRIVING Artist. (It doesn't have to take you that long - that's why I am here, to help you navigate from the shadows into the light.)

The starving artist represents the fear of financial ruin or the belief that notoriety and financial stability comes only after death, which often causes Artists to suppress their talents and in so doing, with hold their gifts from life.

I use to torture myself with believing I “couldn’t” support myself as an Artist or that if I left my day job and pursued what I loved, I’d use up my creativity, and then what? I’d not only be penniless but my Muse would abandon me for abusing Art for my own gain.

These are some of the lies I believed while suffering under the shadow artist. I even believed making a “career out of art” would “force” me to become a slave to it, which would lead me to “hating art” and then there’d be no joy in life. Yuck.

The mere thought of such constraints freaked me out and inspired me to hide from Claiming My Artistic spirit for a long time. It was during this hiatus, I learned there's nothing more painful than living with a dying dream inside you.

That pain brought me to the edge of myself.

Though I always engaged Art and had many creative careers, such as professional photographer, graphic designer, website designer and Photoshop teacher, I was fearful to start my own business. Yet, I was miserable ignoring the dream to work for myself.

I finally made a choice, I promised myself to live.

With a lot of determination, patience, discipline and kindness, I began to take small steps in living a piece of my dream everyday – ten years later and all that hard work freed me within.

I’m still emerging, loving and learning from life as a THRIVING Artist!

Art literally saved my life. (and to Art I am grateful)

I create(d) Art to express what I know of the world, the magic, inspiration and beauty. These experiences come from a deep connection with life itself, a universal heartbeat that yields breath into being. The Japanese call this “mushin no shin” (無心の心) mind of no mind, from which all things come into being.

In this realm, words are transcended by direct experience. How do you know? Because you’ve directly encountered the knowing, its essence breathed you, it alchemizes into your blood leaving you with knowing – you just know.

It becomes part of your muscle memory, your cellular memory and reorganizes your foundation of movement, action and thought.

It is a place where ordinary beauty evaporates into the warmth of your heart. It touches with insight, wisdom and tenderness. It is magically ordinary, unexplainable but through metaphor and rhythm.

Vincent Van Gogh spoke of the unspeakable inspiration I’m pointing towards when we wrote the following to his brother Theo:

Art is something, which, although produced by human hands, is not created by these hands alone, but by something which wells up from a deeper source in our souls. (letter R43)

The deeper source eludes language but graciously settles onto the blank page, conversing through paint, all the while, tutoring me as the sea tutors the surfer, through color, shape, light and form. Through entering the blank page I was safe from all that could do harm. I was safe in the Muse’s embrace and with Vincent as my spiritual guide, I noticed seemingly insignificant things that hold astonishing beauty. That beauty consoled and lessened the despair I experienced during my early adult years.

No matter the struggle or pain art returned me back to myself and diffused all worry – each encounter left it’s MARK of wisdom and slowly I began to concept creating a life and the process in which I were to make it real.

This world encouraged my pursuits beyond form and into philosophy and religious studies.

I find a kindred spirit in Philosophy because it too is trying to explain the unexplainable. For this reason alone (though there are others) I devoted myself to the opportunities philosophy promises each seeker who crosses her threshold, this promise was first claimed by the ancient Greeks φιλοσοφία (philosophia), which literally means "love of wisdom".

Side Bar: Dear Philosophia , You had me at Love Of Wisdom (end side bar).

Collaborating with Philosophia at the early age of fourteen, added an extra depth to expressing those observations and insights assembled as an intuitive creator. It did this through words and creative thoughts. The world that ultimately took residence within was that of eastern thought and transcendentalism.

Among transcendentalists core beliefs was an ideal spiritual state that 'transcends' the physical and empirical and is realized only through the individual's intuition, rather than through the doctrines of established religions.

Exploring the mindscape of thought and creating through words, grounded my encounters with the Muse, where as art created a visual picture, for those thousand words to soar.

Fluttering in the realm of all possibility inspired my art to transmute into the art of creative living, using the concepts within art as a life process to create the masterpiece called life To create an inspired life experience while navigating the highs and lows of life. It is what helped recreate the ugly feelings of despondency, disappointment and distress, carried inside, into beauty, passion, gratitude and peace.

My early and mid adult life was experienced struggling as a starving artist who was classily depressed.

This scared me and left me feeling ridiculously hopeless. I cried a lot during that metamorphose. I’d sometimes envision myself years older and the thought of living that stuck for so long deflated me – perpetuated feelings of hopelessness. It was in a moment of despair that everything changed. 

There was something in me, deep within that never broke.

Though there were times I felt broken, over come by disappointment, something stronger inside saved me from myself - something was calling within.

When I noticed its echos and began to listen from within,that something soothed me with an infectious idea, motivated creative concepts into being, into drawings, photography and captured words between lines on the blank page.

Soon those lost helpless feelings dissipated and I renewed with possibility.

"The idea here is not to divert the sadness, but to give it a context from life other than what is making you sad. Just as a ginger can lose its bitterness when baked in bread, sadness can be leavened by other life.

When feeling the sharpness of being sad or hurt, it helps to take new things in. This pours the water of life on the fire of the heart. So when exhausted from expressing all that hurt, listen to music you've never heard of, or ask someone to tell you an old story from before your birth, or take a drive down a road near a ridge you've always meant to look out from.

Look with your sad eyes on things new to you that will give you something to do with your sadness. Your sadness is the paint. You must find a canvas." - Mark Nepo

That’s when I realized what truly wanted to be CREATED and lived - hArt. Heart wanted to LIVE the dream come true! Who better to allow the dream real than heart! If not hear, the deepest part of me, the center of my spirit - then who?

Allowing myself to wonder, pursue, and cultivate that philosophical passion is what supported the final release in transcending creative depression.

It’s what Freed me Within.

It’s what supported the unbinding of self-imposed limitations and the transcendence of stuck pain. It’s what allowed the expansion of a dream beyond what I imagined. In the words of film genius Robert Bresson, it’s what allowed me the courage to, “Make visible what, without you[me] might perhaps have never been seen.”

This marks the birth of origination, a new life, a life I never planned yet, is my wildest dreams come true. Like any birth, it came with a new devotion and wiliness to give, which consequently yielded a new skill - creative counseling.

Facilitating the transformation of dissipating ghosts that feed from the shadows of the starving artist into the thriving light of the illuminated artist is my Mona Lisa. This business expand that foundation.

I want you to create your masterpiece called LIFE.

I want to sleep peacefully at night knowing I encouraged the “stuck” out of people.

Knowing I seized the opportunity to stand united with another and demand the darkness, (the shoulda woulda couldas, the regret, the not enough this or that, time money, credentials, abandonment, betrayals, and nothing…) - Stand Down!

I know everyone has the ability to CREATE what they truly yearn to bring forward. I support you by providing the creative tools necessary to practice a life as a thriving artist.

What I thought I wanted, to become a prosperous artist, was just a part of the whole – not the whole itself!

The journey into yourself is one of letting go of what you aren’t and embracing what you are.

This was (IS) supporting artists liberation from starving to thriving.

The Shadow Artist never allows creativity to develop or thrive. When in the shadow's domain we forget to CREATE. We forget that as artists we are creators. We CREATE the experiences we want. We CREATE our responses to the experiences we don’t want.

As an artist and spiritual counselor, I provide creative warrior-ship. I am not afraid to go where resistance and darkness reside.

I’ve come face to face with the darkness within, it brought me to the edge of myself.

I playfully named the darkness Shinigami, (死神, "death spirit” it is the personification of death, the grim reaper). By naming the darkness, it no longer was elusive. Though I sobbed a lot while suffering its reign of fright-night stories and threats of death, we were on a first name basis, which allowed me to extend compassion to my new friend. Once I knew my new friend, its stories no longer inspire me to live eclipsed from love - frigid in ignorance.

It is a cold experience - frozen in fear.

Upon thawing, the ability to smell stinky pooh-pooh galaxies far far away emerged (pooh-pooh = lies/illusion). This clarity inoculated me further from despair. Just as the wizard claimed domain over Oz, and discovered small behind a huge curtain, I too discovered the naughty Shinigami gnawing me heart was but a playful lil’shadow. Think bugs bunny, monster in shadow against the wall, creek swings a dry wooden door, meow goes the kitten. Seeing the shadow as kitten is what entitled me to be in darkness, yet, void of freezing in fear.

Being impervious to despair, I can walk amongst its darkness safely, free from the wrought of perpetual misery; thereby, enabling the quench of a tortured moment into the nurturing light of illumination.

When reviving “stuck” with compassion and through tutoring a practice, (mastering defense against the dark arts), a deep focus arises, yielding the discovery of goodness in the world and ourselves.

Practice cultivates observation and willingness to gaze our cocoon of fear. The sprouts of this crop, pinpoint limiting behavioral patterns that are currently active and through this realization give way to release. New patterns grow freedom within. Developing the bravery of a creative warrior returns the following insight and skills to our Being:

The Coccoon of Wisdom

• Right Entitlement
• Right Boundaries

Ethical Conduct | The Branch of Knowledge

• Right Communication
• Self-interview
• Truth-telling
• Naming Emotions

The Emergence of the Spiritual Warrior

• Right Action
• Right Mindfulness
• Right Focus

Expanding Into Flight Freedom Within

• Ordinary Magic
• Romping with Laughs
• Begin to Continue
• Deepening Presence
• Befriending Fear

Freedom Within

 

Re-familiarizing ourselves with these skills is what inspires us to step outside our cocoons. The possibility of Life beyond the cocoon is invigorating.

It branches us out into a world worth exploring, increases our awareness and intrigue. It allows us to make our fluttery ascension into clear skies. We continue deepening our collaboration with invisible support, such as wind, are inspired to fly and push off into the sparkly presence of moment.

Trust metamorphosis's our transcendence into beauty.

Though we can remember being a caterpillar we do not feel ourselves inching along the branch, just as when we inched along the branch we could not remember what it was like to emerge a butterfly. No longer denying our iridescent wings, we soar, with wisdom, laughing in awe at our feat.

We Are Freed Within

Along this artistic and spiritual journey, I became an Integrated Energy Therapy™ Master-Instructor, intuitive creative consultant, licensed spiritual counselor, and Reiki Master (among other titles). These modalities supported me in accepting who I am - an Artist and empowered me to teach other creatives to do the same.

I now devote my life to supporting Artists through offering inspirational, one-on-one and group, support to create a life free from the starving artist archetype, a creatively enriched life abundant in inspiration, empowerment and motivation – A THRIVING ARITST.

 

All My Best,

 

p.s. If you have any questions or would like to share your story with me and my blog readers please contact me. I believe sharing stories is what unites and empowers us Artists to thrive.

 

 

 

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